In this blog I will briefly describe my recent observations of learning a third language. It has been an interesting experience so far, not because I have a rather easy and fun time learning it, which is yet another point, but rather because for the first time I am aware of how personality construction is tied to language. I can see how I would have done this as a small child when I learned my mother tongue and did not realise what self-programming meant at that time. I have a different perspective now. One, where I understand that my personality behaviour is driven by my ego which takes every single situation of interaction with others as grounds for distortion through means of manipulation, deception and sabotage – all in accordance with my personality. I say ‘my’ ego, and that is already the indication for me to stop right here: my ego and I are one as I am the one who accepts this behaviour. After all, this is the reason why I am taking part in the DesteniIProcess because I want to step out of the mental existence driven by ego, and and be here as the living word- as Self.
What I have realised is the following. I learn words and grammar of the language that I am learning through interactions with my teacher in class, other students, and through doing my homework. In my daily life, I apply what I have learned in the context of speaking with others who are native speakers. There is usually a discrepancy between what I want to say and what I can say at my current level of learning. What I mean is that I do not have all the grammar and words to express what I would like to say to others. This is already quite curious because that which I want to say exists somewhere, as part of me, but not in already formed words. It is the stage before I form a phrase, before I speak from mind – but I cannot say where that place is, per say. I realise that our habitual procedure of speaking, when speaking in one’s mother tongue, speeds up the process that I am experiencing in slowness, and that once one speaks fluently, when one has mastered the language, one cannot even recall these ‘in-between’ places where only self-expression exists without words.
Here is another observation: at this time I can only speak in the present tense. Therefore I can only reference or communicate to someone else what is happening with me or the world around me right now, in this moment. It is seemingly a limitation but when looking at it more closely I have noticed that speaking about the past becomes less relevant. When one cannot describe one’s life experience in the past tense and only in the present tense, the familiar petty aspects of story telling, the character definition of others, the energetic undertone that can come with past tense telling is absent. What stays when communicating the past in the present tense is the pattern that is emergent from our past, and that can be communicated in the present tense. I find this quite supportive because it highlights my behavioural patterns more clearly. I see more clearly what I have accepted and allowed to be me.
All these observations are facilitated by being slowed down through the nature of learning to speak in another language. Also, there is no possibility for me to momentarily go into mind-time and speed up my speaking participation. By having slowed down to the degree that I have as I am becoming the embodied manifestation of the words, which is different from speaking slowly, because even then one is only slowing down on the surface but the underlying process is still proceeding at the same speed I can see how I, within myself, react to situations. Here I have noticed that it is within the interaction itself, rather than what I want to express (and may not be able to), manipulation and deception is accepted by me and the other party. It is this process that eventually, through repetition, charges each word I say.
From the perspective of my process I find this an amazing discovery because this makes a few points clear to me:
1) During the word formation, for example when I have used the words of my new language for a few times, an emotional/feeling charge can build up (if I don’t stop it) from the situations in which I have spoken these words. The emotional/feeling charge seems to easily take on a prominent position, overriding the essence of what it is that I want to express – that which is still here without the words. Hence, I can see that all the words I so easily spew out in my other languages are full of emotional/feeling charges that leave no room for self-expression.
The solution: Redefinition of words to eliminate the emotional/feeling charges.
2) Finally I have seen that I am self-expression somewhere buried inside. I only have a glimpse but I see that I do not need the mind to be here.
The solution: Equalise the mind so that self-expression can flow freely, and language is the living word. The living word is self-expression.
3) We are defining ourselves through the interaction with others, through the energetic charge words span the relations of our ships. Relationships are primarily charged through what seems to be an ‘exchange’ with others. Although this exchange is not really exchanging anything, it is a ‘charging station’ where each for themselves charges in the face of the other.
The solution: Taking self-responsibility – to step out of the trap of self-interest and learn to stand equal to each word that I utter – and thus have the prerequisites to get to know another.