I thought of myself as someone who does not give up – ever. I mean I have proven it to myself in many instances, in either hardship situations or educational challenges. I prevailed and I said I would – come hell or high water. Recently Anu’s interview took me into the dark corners of my mind and ego, and I paid a visit to parts of who I am which I try to hide behind by saying, “I will never give up” – once I have started something, that is. So the full belief goes like this: I might be slow to get going or to get started because I need to be sure that what I am endeavouring is really what I want, what makes sense to me as me in my world. However, once I get started I don’t give up. There has to be a very good reason why I should give up on the thing that I have decided to pursue. Interestingly enough this sense of commitment has not applied to lover relationships – but that’s another story.
Through this interview I realised two things 1) I do give up, by hiding behind self-defeating talk. Yet this is not a giving up in the ‘traditional’ sense it is a “I am not even going to get started with this because ( fill in the blank here)” that’s the giving up personality that I have subscribed to. Or at least that is the part I am currently aware of. 2) I realised that perseverance is not just a commitment point but can easily be fear of change. Thus, when fear of change exists it’s better to persevere the situation, the ordeal or whatever have you. So, when looking at this I realise that investigating the starting point in self-honesty is the only way to get to the bottom of what is what.
Starting point investigations are a really useful method to find out if one is using one’s mind to feed resistances or if there is truly common sense in doing or not doing an activity, or some other involvement were fluctuating thoughts exist. In fact any thought is a worthwhile starting point, but when meandering between yes/no exists, as a form of backchat – than that‘s generally an indicator that a close look and a hard dose of self-honesty is needed.
Furthermore, giving up and ‘having resistances’ goes hand in hand. In other words, resistances are the executive arm of a giving up personality. Resistances are mainly the reasons why something should or should not be done, and the lines of code are the excuses we give to ourselves. The rule of thumb for me now is that whenever I have thoughts of negation, it is an indicator for a potential resistance, belonging to a greater part of a ‘giving up’ personality with which I have encoded my Self to be, and thus it’s an opportunity to investigate and release the behaviour.
One of the things that Anu said that I have noticed prior to listening this particular interview is that curiosity supports self-direction – in the sense that I am curious of who I really am when I have released every damn resistance that I have accepted to be me, as Self in this life!
Resistance? Bring it on!
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