Tag Archives: self-change

Who would we be if we stopped comparing ourselves?


As a child, when I experienced sadness, I often wondered how the world could be if it was not so harsh. Growing up was a tough job and with every year I grew older I saw the struggles in my world getting bigger. Today I realise that my struggles augmented as I perceived the need to compete with others.

We are raised to compete in a world of scarcity and individualism. Scarcity comes with the system we have created: there is not enough affordable education, not enough jobs, not enough food – and so forth. At the same time we have been brainwashed into thinking that we are true individuals, that we are unique by default and through this uniqueness we deserve to have all the things we desire and want, irrespective of everyone else’ needs.

The predisposition of a system of scarcity and the need and desire to stand out and fulfil one’s desires  requires us to compare ourselves and judge who we are in relation to others. In this way we limit our potential because the point of comparison is personal and seen from the perspective of ownership. “This person has something that I don’t have but want”.

However, there is another perspective to look at this scenario: We can learn from each other.

When we encounter others who have obtained a particular skill that interests us or that we struggle with to get better at, we must first recognise that we are reacting emotionally to what we are perceiving. This emotional charge becomes the driving force which leads us to self-judgements and self-limitations. Thoughts like, “I can never be like that” or “I am not good enough to do that” are the typical self-talk that keeps us locked in where we are – we defeat ourselves.

How do we empower ourselves?

We release our current perception of the situation by letting go of the emotional charges. We do that by taking a moment in self-honesty and writing out our experience from the point of self-forgiveness, followed by self-corrective statements. Self-forgiveness and self-corrective statements are self-help tools that can be learned online at no cost.

Once the emotions have been discharged and we are clear that we are expanding ourselves by learning from the other, we focus on the relationship the person has with the skill/action/object. By re-focussing on the relationship between the person and the skill/action/object, we defocus the personal parts which enables us to see into the essence of this relationship. Observing this essence is the learning point, which is where we get the take-home message that becomes useful for our personal expansion.

In a second step, once we have grasped the essence of the relationship the person has with an aspect of the world, e.g. a skill, or a way of going about something, we can use the take-home message and apply it in our own daily lives. This is an important step, because in the process of applying it to our own life and seeing how it can strengthen us, we are not coping or imitating but we are expanding on ourselves by adding a new perspective to our own life through a dedicated process of application.

When we have learned from others in this way, what remains is the our unique expression, which then in turn sparks someone else somewhere to learn from us. Hence, we stand united in our uniqueness and bring about a world where everyone can express who they are because they no longer limit themselves through self-judgement and no longer separate themselves from others through comparison and competition.

The FREE DIP LITE  Course is available to All, simply sign up and start.  This is a powerful free introduction to real self-exploration, and self realisation using the Desteni tools with online support. It’s an opportunity of a life time.


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Realisations on ‘Trust’

The word “trust” was introduced to me in phrases like “trust your gut feeling” ; “trust in god”; “trust yourself!” – I remember pondering what that actually meant because my parents could equally say to me “trust that it will turn out alright in the end”.  Where was trust?  What was behind this elusive term?

Trust was never taught to me as being part of me but rather as something outside of me. Something precious that I had to work for, to prove myself just like others had to, in demonstrating their trustworthy behaviour to me. Trust works like money in the bank that when you give it away, when you ‘deposit’ your trust in others than you have invested into this person, and you expect a return from your investment. From this position I trusted others not to betray my trust, and thus held them prisoner the same way I held myself prisoner not to do something that would be in some way counter productive to the trust they had given me. I realise that I had no understanding of trust, and most of the time did not want to look at this word more closely. It scared me, it was a big word, there was something final about it – like a final frontier – to have trust meant something so absolute.

Over the years, when I studied spirituality, the word trust would reappear in my life. When reading scriptures or listening to “mind appeasers” – slogans, I heard spoken by gurus – that I used to attach myself to, hoping that if I honour the content my life would turn out alright. I trusted their words. Then, it did not dawn on me to investigate these words to see what they really stood for, and why I so easily sought to make them my own. It was difficult to gain clarity through the hazy mist of emotions and feelings that engulfed me.

The issue of self-trust has surfaced when I had to make important decisions where I get stuck weighing the pro’s and con’s surrounding the elements of the decision, neither wanting to commit to a ‘yes’ or ‘no’ – because: what if I could not trust my decision, what if I could not trust myself. I realise that self-trust means I make the decision from the starting point of what is best for everyone who is affected by the decision. In self-trust I take a stance to face the ensuing consequences of my choices which means I take responsibility for what I create.

Distrust was part of my education. In science education we equate being distrustful to a good starting point for scientific inquiry because we can never be 100% sure that our results are accurate in reflecting an objective reality. Distrusting a scientific outcome is the basis for doubt as catalyst for reasoning. The whole scientific process is disguised as identifying pieces of knowledge that can be convincingly communicated to others, convincing others that they can trust the information to be free from personal history, perspective, or assumptions – that the information is objective.

I realise that without self-trust there is no self-value as life. Consequently, the lack of self-trust is compensated for by looking for validation in others or in some ‘thing’ that is outside of myself and will function as a fake foundation in which I can place a safety anchor, and call it trust. This is what I have allowed to exist within as myself “to trust that things will turn out” – as I mentioned in the beginning. Placing trust “somewhere” is to have an idea of trust where trust remains a separate entity – this separation is there even when I say I place trust inside of my Self. It creates a space, a room for the “lazy” way out, not to take responsibility, not to equate for oneself in self-honesty what is best for all.

If I see my Self as this separate entity from trust then there is also room to be either “less then” (<) or “more than” (>) depending on the situation and on the pre-programmed elements that I have accepted to be me. Just like a mathematical equation. Then, in this gap between Self and trust the variable “doubt” can enter, and in all instances the outcome is a self-defeating cycle where the noise of my mind can have a foothold and I become reactionary to outside influences, to feelings and emotions – in brief: I compromise my Self. When trust equals (=) Self, I stop all possibilities and uncertainties. I remain here.

The road to self-trust is pathless but not “peopleless”  http://www.desteniiprocess.com


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2012 Why I was able to hear Desteni’s message

Desteni answers my childhood questions!

With Desteni I have come full circle to my childhood. Perhaps all children who are born into this world experience great discrepancies between what is happening on the planet and what makes sense to them. Many of us forget that when we are little, we are not so impressed by what the world of adults has to offer. For me this was a particularly strong point which is where my journey for answers started, and I remember this well.

When I was a child the adults in my immediate surrounding considered me a late bloomer. I was born into an environment where I had to figure much out for myself. I can remember thinking that adults where strange because they did not want to play anymore. I certainly did not want to become like them. All their serious occupations seemed to stress them with little enjoyment. I could also never see why adults did what they did – why was work and family everything in life?

More importantly I could not understand why the earth was split up in ‘sections’. In some sections people lived well, they could buy all kinds of things and load up their houses while in other sections people had nothing or very little.  About those ‘others’, who did not have what my family had, I knew little of. Back then the internet was not available and the general information flow did not flood my world the way it does today. Hence I learned about those ‘others’ in ad hoc situations, that seemed all too curious to me because no one had any real answers. Besides the occasional representative from charities coming to our house to collect money, the remainder of information concerning the ‘other’, or those who were not of middle-class European origin came to me in conversations like this one:

Mother: Eat what is on your plate. Other kids don’t have anything to eat – they would be so happy if they had what you have. So finish what’s on your plate.

Me: really? Where are those kids now?

Mother: they are in Africa

Me: and they can’t eat?

Mother: no they can’t eat

Me: but they must be hungry

Mother: of course they are hungry, they are just like you

Me: but if they are just like me, then why can’t they eat?

Mother: because they don’t have any money

Me: oh, why don’t they have money?

Mother: because they don’t have work

Me: why don’t they have work?

Mother: because the country is poor

Me: why is the country poor?

Mother: finish your plate and stop talking

Me: why can’t we make them rich the way we are – you said they are hungry just like me?

Mother: end of talking, you need to finish what’s on your plate NOW!

Me: but  I don’t understand…

My mother: I don’t care – finish your food NOW

Conversations like this one are not atypical for children, and my mother is not the only one who answered them in this way. All too often innocent questions end up unanswered because we, adults, no longer have common sense to answer in an earnest manner. How can we accept to not be able to answer to the most basic questions in life?

Later on in school I learned that this is all to do with our economic system; with supply and demand; with resources and labour that can be turned into money for the country; with interest rates and financing; that it had to do with government and organisation; politics and negotiations –  It all seemed unnecessarily complicated and unjustifiable.

Why does it have to be this way? was neither answered in school nor at university. All information was usually presented as irrefutable fact to which I had to succumb in my thinking, to be a good student and be accepted in society. I had to make-belief what I was told and not ask too many of the wrong kinds of questions. At some point in my teenage years when I realised that life is quite one dimensional, I turned to Eastern religion to find answers on why we live like we do in this world. The mystical and spiritual aspects of Eastern religion were the perfect place to escape to in hopes of finding ‘the’ kernel of truth that must be hidden somewhere, and that would explain it all. In essence, I realise today that I was pursuing my self-interest, the perfectly constructed diversion that would allow me to ignore what was happening around me, the abuse, the atrocities and the wars – it would allow me to shroud my life in self-righteousness behaviour and feel good about it.

I was already so conditioned to believe that through acquiring knowledge I would gain access to answers, I gladly studied Eastern religion to find my way out of this ‘darkness’. Answers, I thought, had to be earned through hard work, just like grades in school. This meant studying Sanksrit and learning the yoga sutras, the upanishads, the Baghavad Gita – spending my time in meditation and mantra repetition. In short, the harder the path to accomplishment seemed to be the more I believed to be on the right track.

My journey took me from Hinduism to Tibetan Buddhism, yet there was always something that was a bit ‘strange’ or did not fit together quit so well. Thus, I believed that the current path I had selected was not right one in the long run, and this thinking gave me permission to move on. After all, why do Hindus stone people to death, in the so-called honour killings, when at the same time, they are vegetarians? Am I missing something?

When Eastern spirituality wore off and I still had not seen any profound answers to my questions and no real change in my personal life, I returned to the Western information pool. Meanwhile there were some people who were exposing that what we were taught by the authorities was a form of mind control. The insights these people had into our system made sense to me and gave me an outlet for my anger that I harboured against the injustices of the world. Anger, I had previously learned to suppress when I was on the mystical path. Mostly I read and listened to so-called conspiracy theories, which did not demand much else from me besides reading and listening to those who were broadcasting their ideas. From there I drifted into the Western love and light community, where many also had one foot in the conspiracy theories.
I started studying again, learning to write reams of affirmations, new methods of visualisations and meditation, working with crystals and other paraphernalia. Yet, just as all the previous times, something remained missing and left me dissatisfied.

My entry point into the Desteni material were Jack’s videos on the history of mankind. At first these videos confused me but also intrigued me and I felt attracted to them. In a couple of weeks I watched the 100 videos on the topic, every night after my day’s work. The perspectives on life and human existence were new and different, and they involved me, I was no longer the innocent bystander. I then took the step to sign up for the forum. Here were tools offered to me that I could use to enable myself: I had to become self-organised about my process of self-realisation. I had to take responsibility that the world was in this state, no one else was there to pick up the pieces, but I could stand up and do just that.

Suddenly terms like “oneness” made sense because they had a practical value and not as I previously experienced an intellectual one. I recall that that the vocabulary used in the various spiritual practices remained isolated from my daily reality. I saw myself continuously grasping to understand and to implement that which I learned in scriptures, from those who were channelling, and other spiritual figures. The statements that are made within the Desteni group are solid, and gave me practical guidelines in how I can take a concept, for example “oneness” and implement it to address my behaviour in the world. At the same time, Desteni is like a living organism, while changes in how the material is presented can occur, the essence never shifts.

From my perspective nothing has compared to Desteni, because equality and oneness are implemented all the way – on the micro and macro level. On the individual or micro level is where tools like self-forgiveness, self-corrective action are presented. The overall picture is also taken into consideration because to achieve practical oneness, a global system as such, the macro level, needs to change as well. The Equal Money System is the solution for an economic blueprint of oneness.

I related a long story in how I got to Desteni to show that I have tried many different approaches over time. Having arrived where I am right now is the end of that journey. The search is over, because through coming to Desteni I realise that I am this journey, to become equal to all that is here. All else is a quick fix which only does one thing: a self-serving attempt to stop one’s own suffering – yet not comprehending that all is truly connected in oneness. Like the mind is not separate from the body as Descartes and others intellectuals have suggested, thereby initiating the development of separation that we have taken to the extreme at this time – the individual is not separate from the group. This has never been understood on earth that is why all other attempts, practices and tradition have failed to bring absolute changes to humanity. This is also why Desteni will prevail and bring about a profound change in the world, and in the co-habitation of humans with all other beings.

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A threesome: Equal Money is the only solution!

In this post I am discussing three viewpoints of the Equal Money System in relation to anarchism, resource-based economy and gold standard.

Equal Money System is not Anarchism.
The word “anarchism” is an umbrella term which groups political and religious thought (such as Christian anarchism) in a number of traditions. These are underpinned by the basic idea that societal structuring of individual and collective human relations can function in the absence of a centralised authority.

In the last two hundred years, the various movements of social or collective anarchism have, in their essence, dealt with the distribution of labour and the role of property. This does not compare to an Equal Money System because the main focus here is neither material nor economical. Both of those aspects are merely necessary within the practical concerns of life. Equal Money’s main focus is on living beings with the central idea to uphold, support and assist all that is living, in equal ways through taking measures in the physical world that are born from self-responsibility.  Thus, how aspects such as labour, ownership, and property are dealt with from the social and collective stance is determined through the application of the principle of equality, to achieve the common goal in establishing what is best for all.

Historically, individual anarchism has strongly supported ego-based human relations (see Max Stirner). Here, individuals are encouraged to will themselves through their ego to form and cultivate a union in the interaction with others while freely following one’s desires. Supporters of this approach are convinced that conflicts and suffering can be tackled and resolved if this union is maintained. From the perspective of an Equal Money System, the human ego is not a viable path to be trusted in creating a better world that includes everyone. The reason being that the human ego operates on the basis of thoughts and the mind in general. Desteni research clearly shows that the mind works in ways that keeps people separated from each other through mechanisms of deception and abuse. This is done through feelings and emotions which trigger manipulation and sabotage of Self and others, always promoting only one thing: the perceived benefit through self-interest.

When tracing various developments of anarchistic thought and action, it becomes evident that these movements have acted through opposing established systems. As part of a reactive manner, the movements have utilised abuse, such as violent acts against those who do not support their ideas, and other ‘anti’ stance  activities such as general strikes.  In an Equal Money System, abuse, of which violence is one form, is eradicated through the elimination of ego-based interactions between people, animals and the environment. Abuse has no place in the principle of equality and the achievement of a society in which everyone acts in the best interest of all. This is accomplished through new forms of education and a life-coaching process that Destonians have taken on in self-responsibility to purify themselves from the ego-based mind. The DesteniIProcess forms the basis of this process through the practice of self-forgiveness.

Some traditions of social anarchism will form their ideas incorporating concepts of mutuality, reciprocity, and voluntary action, yet the basic notion of “earning a living” still holds true even in the face of proposed currency reforms. In an Equal Money system, money is not regarded to be on equal footing with life, it is purely seen as an organisational tool which cannot be used or abused to equate a person’s ability and capacity to perform work with their living requirements.  Thus, an Equal Money System spells the end of poverty because everyone is equal taken care of on the basis that they are a living being.

The Equal Money System is not a resource-based economy.

The concept of a resource-based economy is a recent development which looks at possibilities of getting around the use of money through declaring all resources of the planet as common heritage for all. Proponents of this approach are found in the Zeitgeist movement. Supporters state that besides money, credit, barter and any other system of debt or servitude would not exist in a resource-based economy. On the level of human relations this is achieved, according to Zeitgeist supporters, through more meaningful ways of relating to other people. From the Zeitgeist perspective this will emerge from the fact that the individual will no longer have to worry about keeping a job which greatly reduces mental and physical stress.

Several questions are prompted from this context. How will humans suddenly start to relate to and with each other in more meaningful ways when human nature has a track record that lays down centuries of abuse and self-interest, regardless of which economic system governs human relations? Without rigorous self-investigation and practise of self-honesty, how will those who form the government in a resource-based economy remain free from corruption? How will it be ensured that resources as common heritage stay common and are fairly distributed?

The resource-based economy, as proposed by Zeitgeist supporters, is strongly hinged on cutting-edge technologies produced in new and innovative ways. The idea is that through modern technology the environment can be better protected, the cities re-designed for improved living, and more effective transportation systems and industry plants can be build. However, technology is advocated without looking at the root of the current ways we apply and implement technology and what that means in the face of a new type of economy. It is unlikely that newly designed cities will get rid of abuse, that by living in these cities we suddenly know how to decide and act from the starting point of what is best for everyone.

Changing the way we interact in the world is not a material procedure, the process for a better world does not start with creating a better exterior but rather starts with us, and who we are as people, what we have allowed and accepted to exist in the world – it has to start with the realisation that we are all responsible, and that only if we take responsibility we can make changes. This is why the Equal Money System begins with the human and the process needed to transform human nature so that we can implement a system that supports everyone equally. All exterior and operational aspects are emergent from this process of transformation which is based on understanding how to decide and act from the starting point of what is best for all.

Why the gold standard will not work.
When humanity used gold as a standard for exchange of goods and services, as early as 600 B. C., the economic difference between people existed just the same as it does today. Poverty and fear of survival have underpinned our societies with or without gold standard. The change to gold standard from fiat currency does not change the fact that we put a price on life. It will not end abuse, nor will it stop corruption. Again, this is yet another approach where we look at the problem in separation of ourselves. The collective problem that we are faced with is not one that can be solved by making minor changes to the system we have created, which is what the return to a gold standard implies. To create a world where everyone is taken care of equally which is what Destonians are here to bring about, we must understand that the change begins with us, individually and collectively.

For additional information on the topic of Equal Money and much more, visit our store: http://store.desteni.org

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Creating my life through the DesteniIProcess

I have been asking myself if the agreement with Gabriel might have been a pre-programmed situation. The reason for asking myself this question has been twofold. First, we seem to be quite compatible in a basic way of being. Don’t get me wrong I can see that this agreement is taking me apart which is beyond what I was experiencing in my process when I was on my own. I can see that the perceived peaceful inner state I was experiencing then is now in chaos most of the time which means that it was not real, and this is requiring me to look at my issues in much more depth than before.

Second, the timing could not have been better to start an agreement. I had finished my studies and both Gabriel and I had to move from our old flats. In my case I had to move countries because of the enormous cost of living in the UK. It all fit just a tad too well for me not to be skeptical about it. Yet, in the beginning when he and I first met and an agreement was on the table, I dealt with much anxiety of fear of loss of my independence. I had not reckoned with an agreement any time soon and was quite satisfied with my ‘single’ status.

The other day, I mentioned the pre-programmed aspect to Gabriel, who said to me that it is a matter of ceasing one’s opportunity as these open up. After reflecting on this for some time now, I see what he means and found that “ceasing one’s opportunity” comes into play as part of the DesteniIprocess where we learn to make decisions on the basis of a non-energetic state.

I will explain this on a pertinent real-life example. In May of this year, when I was going through the last stages of examination regarding my studies, I was presented with a highly probable opportunity for a job, which entailed becoming part of a research team in a small town in France. At the time, when this opportunity presented itself I was having to cope with things on multiple fronts. I did not want to make a decision out of a situation where I had no clarity in terms of what I wanted to do after my studies once these had been entirely completed, meaning all the last examinations had been done and dusted, and I was free to review my situation. However, the deadline of applying for this job meant I had to furnish the research team with an immediate response. Granted that there were other issues with this job but this was the biggest one. Thus my answer to this opportunity was “no, thank you”.

Some of my colleagues did not understand how I could have let such an opportunity slip through my fingers. Given the economic situation and the overall factor of how interesting this post would have been, from the outside it certainly looked like I was being foolish to let it go. Had this been years ago, before I started the DesteniIprocess, I would have been probably too fearful to say ‘No’ even if I really wanted to. I would have been afraid of how difficult it would be to find a suitable job and would have convinced myself to take it because of my inferior position towards the point of being without work.

This is not to say that I am fearless when it comes to not having a job and making money, or that I do not long for security. What it says is that my starting point for making a decision has changed and that, in this instance, I did not operate from my typical pre-programmed way of acting in the world that I know has influenced my previous decisions on jobs and matters of having to do with being secure in the system.

If we look at the trajectory that follows, having not ceased this job opportunity, I was able to cease the agreement opportunity because I was still in the UK at the time when Gabriel came to participate in a business meeting. This enabled us to meet up and connect in physical space, which later prompted the agreement. Ceasing an opportunity from the starting point of self rather than from the starting point of pre-programmed reaction, then let me create my life where I was able to choose an agreement with another, and begin to investigate myself in relation to intimacy and shared living with other Destonians. Hence it was through the DesteniIprocess that I was able to change my life situation.

Since I started the DesteniIprocess I have understood that every breath is accumulative in the process of creating my life and that these decisions are really composed of minute moment-to-moment maneuvers in the world. Only if I understand who I am here in every moment can I become self-directive and stand as a self, as one and equal to all that is here.


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