Tag Archives: therapy

Who would we be if we stopped comparing ourselves?


As a child, when I experienced sadness, I often wondered how the world could be if it was not so harsh. Growing up was a tough job and with every year I grew older I saw the struggles in my world getting bigger. Today I realise that my struggles augmented as I perceived the need to compete with others.

We are raised to compete in a world of scarcity and individualism. Scarcity comes with the system we have created: there is not enough affordable education, not enough jobs, not enough food – and so forth. At the same time we have been brainwashed into thinking that we are true individuals, that we are unique by default and through this uniqueness we deserve to have all the things we desire and want, irrespective of everyone else’ needs.

The predisposition of a system of scarcity and the need and desire to stand out and fulfil one’s desires  requires us to compare ourselves and judge who we are in relation to others. In this way we limit our potential because the point of comparison is personal and seen from the perspective of ownership. “This person has something that I don’t have but want”.

However, there is another perspective to look at this scenario: We can learn from each other.

When we encounter others who have obtained a particular skill that interests us or that we struggle with to get better at, we must first recognise that we are reacting emotionally to what we are perceiving. This emotional charge becomes the driving force which leads us to self-judgements and self-limitations. Thoughts like, “I can never be like that” or “I am not good enough to do that” are the typical self-talk that keeps us locked in where we are – we defeat ourselves.

How do we empower ourselves?

We release our current perception of the situation by letting go of the emotional charges. We do that by taking a moment in self-honesty and writing out our experience from the point of self-forgiveness, followed by self-corrective statements. Self-forgiveness and self-corrective statements are self-help tools that can be learned online at no cost.

Once the emotions have been discharged and we are clear that we are expanding ourselves by learning from the other, we focus on the relationship the person has with the skill/action/object. By re-focussing on the relationship between the person and the skill/action/object, we defocus the personal parts which enables us to see into the essence of this relationship. Observing this essence is the learning point, which is where we get the take-home message that becomes useful for our personal expansion.

In a second step, once we have grasped the essence of the relationship the person has with an aspect of the world, e.g. a skill, or a way of going about something, we can use the take-home message and apply it in our own daily lives. This is an important step, because in the process of applying it to our own life and seeing how it can strengthen us, we are not coping or imitating but we are expanding on ourselves by adding a new perspective to our own life through a dedicated process of application.

When we have learned from others in this way, what remains is the our unique expression, which then in turn sparks someone else somewhere to learn from us. Hence, we stand united in our uniqueness and bring about a world where everyone can express who they are because they no longer limit themselves through self-judgement and no longer separate themselves from others through comparison and competition.

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